Counting the cost

Renewing my yes daily to keep this flame burning slowly and steadily. Even though at this moment there is little I can give to Jesus, I will still learn to give what I have to Jesus.

I’m counting the cost to remind myself, regardless of the cost, Jesus will always be worthy of it all. Oh, to be a fool for Christ.

And in my surrender, I hope to be found faithful and obedient, until the very end.

3 things that I practise every day(almost)

When I was younger, I’ll spend time wondering why life dealt me a lousy hand. And that lousy hand would lead me down paths with many consequences I have to grapple with. I often ask God “Why things have to happen this way?”.

As I mature and grow along with time, I realised staying in the state of self-pity and wondering about the could have(s) was a complete waste of time and oh how detrimental it was to my identity. All those years struggling to find out who I am, kicking in the water frantically to keep myself afloat was tiring but very much needed.

And why do I say that? Because it instilled character in me. Whatever comes cheap, anyone would give it away easily. But when something is forge in the fire of life, this thing we will hold it dear to us. And our character, it needs to be forge in the fire of life. We don’t need to prove to anyone we can do it. But deep in our hearts, we want to know that with God, we will make it.

Muay Thai fighters develops very tough shins by kicking a bag hard. It creates microfracture the shinbone or tibia. Through ossification(bone tissues forming). The fractured bones are repaired and become denser and stronger as a result because of the new bone tissue created. Similar to developing a strong character.

Our character needs to be proven through the difficult times, to bring out the best in us. We need to go through sufferings and hardships to learn how to lean on the goodness of God. We never appreciate grace and mercy until we are in a position where we realise that we need it, if not we are doomed.

Navigating through life can be tough, but I have learn how to get slightly better at doing life in the past few years. These are the 3 things that I practise every day(almost, sometimes I still fail at it) that helped me to live life better.

  1. Give God the “first fruit” of my day
    Time is our every day currency. Once spent, you can never take it back. You can take it from others, and others can take it from you. However, you can be sure that you will never be able to take them back. So if you take it from others, make sure it is well worth it.

    Giving the first fruit of this currency to God motivates me to try and live my life well for that particular day. In small little ways it kinda reminds me that my time on earth is but temporary. This is something that I have learned to do very recently and I am very thankful to the mentor that taught me this.
  2. Ask myself “What is the motivation behind this action?”
    I am a firm believer that before I do something, I am motivated by a certain unseen force, feelings to do that something.

    Knowing what is the motivation behind a certain action keeps me in check. It helps me to think clearly before I act out what I want to do. I remember an occasion where I literally stopped before I speak because in that particular situation, I realised I was about to dishonour someone with my words. From time to time, I still fail in the department of honouring people the way God sees them but I am glad questioning my motivation helps me to keep myself in check.

    Knowing the motivation behind certain of our actions is very important. It reveals the very core of who we are in that moment. Motivations does not always lead us to do something. Motivations can lead us to not do something as well. If your motivation is the fear of failing, you can be very sure that you will find yourself not stepping out most of the time.

    Of course there are special cases where I do not ask myself that question. For example, walking to the fridge to get a pack of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
  3. Reflection at the end of the day
    At the end of the day, I will take some time to think what have happened throughout the day. What did I learn(can be something I am working on or it can something inward)? How did I win? How did I lose? Who did I spend my time with and what did I learn about that person?

    This helps me to think how I want to live my tomorrow. Reflecting on what we have done in a day is very crucial to how we want to live our life. It helps us to envision what our tomorrow should look like and it definitely sets a standard for us to become a better version of ourselves.

I don’t live life alone. Living life alone has been proven to be very boring. I love surrounding myself with people(albeit sometimes I retreat so that I can binge watch certain life-enriching series on Netflix/Youtube).

The truth is, family and friends will and can contribute to your character building in life. And oh, you have the choice to choose. I never identified myself as being born in a wonderful family but I refuse to think I am handicapped by the situations of life.

And yes, I do think that I am still working out some stuff(or some people like to call it “issues”) because of the family I am in but hey, this is an opportunity for me to become better through the help of God and from people around me.

With grace and mercy on my side, I am on the winning end of every lousy hand dealt to me in life.

a steadfast heart

Give me a steadfast heart in a world where everything is changing so quickly. When I wake up everyday, may I find grace and mercy in Your eyes to live through the struggles of life. My flesh is weak but Your grace is sufficient for me and I know that Your strength will be made perfect in my weakness. So all the more I will boast about my weaknesses.

My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast;
I will sing and give praise. Psalm 57.7

When everything is going well right now, let me never take my eyes off the One Thing. Let my heart be neither haughty nor hard but let this heart be tender.

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. Ezekiel 36.26

To have the full knowledge of who Christ is. To have the full knowledge and understanding so that I will never be offended by what is going to happen. That I may learn to love others without reservation and give generously without holding back.

So I am waiting here while doing the things that You have assigned me. Maybe the world will call me a fool, but what do they understand about this love You have shown to me? If being a fool means seeing living for You, then let me be a fool, a joyful fool.

courage of a lion

Coming into 2018, I felt an immediate change of atmosphere. It feels like this is a fresh start of a brand new level, an advanced level. Think Super Mario, you clear the stage, seize the flag and you move on to the next stage which is harder.

2017 was an intense year. A very difficult year. I felt so crushed and hard-pressed in every way. I wasn’t able to do what I want, failed to hit the mark I set for myself and I disappointed so many people and myself. I am glad 2017 is over and I am glad I went through what I needed to in 2017.

Fast forward to the second day of 2018, I felt a quickening in my heart. I felt called to be Raw. So Raw that when God speaks, my heart will not be harden at any one point of time because there is such a tenderness of a child’s heart.

This year, I set out to be a good man, one that radiates Christ. To put away unnecessary yada-ing and use my mouth to stand for purity. I know that I am not very pure in the eyes of the world but I know my God has made me pure and I want to learn to be pure. It is going to be very difficult but it will be worth it.

The world is in a mess, abortion going on everywhere. How can scientist deem a microscopic organism a living thing but deny a fetus and call it just a tissue. Sex rampant cities. Love equates to Sex.  “if you stop having sex with me, it means that you don’t love me anymore”. The word Love is being twisted to suit individual’s tasting.

In love, there is freedom. And this freedom doesn’t give us the license to do whatever we want. To do whatever we want, that is lust.

So in 2018, I ask for courage of a lion, to do the right things, to be used as a vessel and to set the world on a different course in their pursuit of Love.